Friday, September 04, 2015

Male POV: Girls Who Make Their Man Their Only Hobby Are The WORST

There's a tendency, especially early in relationships,
to really become engrossed in another person.
Some amount of obsession is good, healthy, and
normal. Some amount of t-shirt sniffing is totally reasonable. Buying him a fly polo because it would look good with his muscles is thoughtful. But constantly
ditching your friends to watch him play club soccer
is pathetic and you'll eventually resent him for it.
It's cool that you met a CrossFit, but one or both of
you needs to have something else going on outside
of your box.

Establish your own interests — don't make the
dude you're dating into your hobby.
While I'm sure you could counter with a billion
examples, no one wants to marry a groupie. Not
that marriage has to be a goal, but a relationship in
which one person constantly relegates herself to
lower status is bound to get tiresome … unless
you're VERY specifically into that.
And from there you may be a half-step away from
what the "warrior-poetess" Ronda Rousey calls a
"do nothing b*tch."

OK, but you really like him. Great! Be interested in
something else, too. He speaks French and can box
jump 65 inches? Feel free to verbally, or otherwise,
handjob him to your heart's content. But also, I
don't know, have fun friends with whom you spend
a decent amount of quality time.
He's a f*cking genius? Cool, then he really should
understand the need for you to do you. (Note: It's
not been my experience that geniuses, self-
recognized or otherwise, are particularly quick to
recognize that they're not entitled to worship.)
This isn't a cry for "space" or, perish the thought,
"silence"; it's an invitation to explore what you find
interesting even if it's (shudder) the Instagram lives
and E! exploits of the young, rich, and famous. It's
not an invitation to be the mom/superfan of a
grown-a*s man (or even a grown a*s-man).
It's awfully cold there in that shadow, ain't it? Even
the most self-aware person takes things for granted
from time to time. The person holding up the
"you're number one" sign eventually looks like part
of the landscape, even if she's also flashing her
I'm not saying to waver in your support, just have
your own sh*t to do.
And here's the fine line: Be supportive. Don't tell
him that you don't care about his band, Julie
Klausner, but also don't offer to hold the
microphone for 19 months while they shop for the
ideal mic stand.

I had to politely but firmly ask a girlfriend not to
come to all of my improv shows at one point

A) it felt like a waste of her time, and
B) friends don't force friends to yell suggestions from
the audience more than once a month.

Be interesting.

When the one thing you have in
common is a mutual interest in one person, the
mystery goes the way of an eight ball of coke
backstage at a The Weekend concert pretty quickly.
Survival was at a premium up until like 100 years
ago. It made sense for a wife to be super into her
dude and his farm because if he went areolas up,
she and those kids might be eaten by wolves.
But the need to be obedient has been replaced by
the need to be interesting. You don't have to
entertain me; you just have to be able to entertain

Love aggressively and passionately. Go all in, but
don't volunteer to be consumed.
Many men are called narcissists because someone
let the relationship be about them, and were
surprised when they got used to it. And, Buddha
forbid, you break up — this keeps you from feeling
like you just had your life hilariously stolen from
you by Eddie Murphy.
AbleMoJah® Nigeria.

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