Who is a virgin?

LOVERS

Many young people are very idealistic about
marriage; at least, that is the impression I get when I
interact with them. At a youth gathering sometime
ago, a young man told me this story and asked for
advice. His friend and the fiancée had agreed that
there will be no premarital sex, mainly on the
insistence of the lady.

The young man grudgingly agreed and looked
forward to deflowering his wife after wedding, but
alas he encountered no roadblock on their first
outing. He was angry and disappointed. He then
asked me, what should his friend do?

It was my turn to fire him questions. "Did the lady tell
your friend during courtship that she was a virgin?"

He answered no. So the friend only assumed. "What
or who is your friend marrying, the virginity or the
lady?"

"The lady," he answered. "So what is the problem?
This friend who is obsessed with virginity, is he a
virgin?" The answer was "no." A lot of the time we
chase shadows instead of substance.

Then I remembered a story another friend told me
some time ago and I started wondering, who is a
virgin? My friend said in a particular country (name
withheld because I could not independently verify his
tale), it is a crime or taboo for a girl to lose her
"virginity" before marriage.

So what the girls do is to engage in anal penetration
(AKA anal sex) and the men also grope their breasts,
bums and other parts of their bodies during pre-
marriage relationships. But their hymen (the
membrane partially or totally covering the opening of
the vagina) is still there for their future husbands to
"proudly" break after marriage. My question is: are
these girls still virgins? Na who be fool? Who be
mumu?

Also in some relationships where fiancés and
fiancées agree to no sex before marriage, they
engage in all forms of sexually intimate acts, except
actual vaginal penetration with the penis; are they
still virgins? There are lesbians who are actively
involved in same sex relationships, but have never
been penetrated, so their hymen might be intact, are
they virgins?

Now it gets a little complicated. A school of thought
argues that rape victims, who were virgins before the
rape, are still virgins, even though they have been
penetrated and the hymen, broken. They argue that
as long as they did not consent to the act, they are
virgins because consent is a prerequisite for losing
your virginity.

We know for a fact that sports women and others
involved in some physical activities can inadvertently
break their hymen. The implication is that there is no
evidence to prove their virginity, but can those of
them who have never had sex still be classified as
virgins?

Who is a virgin? The simple dictionary definition of a
virgin is "a person who has never had sexual
intercourse." So what is sexual intercourse?

Wikipedia says sexual intercourse "is principally the
insertion and thrusting of a male's penis, usually
when erect, into a female's vagina…" This definition is
old, traditional and does not address emerging
trends.

Humankind has "moved" on. Same sex relationships
and marriages have been legalised in many
countries, a fact Wikipedia acknowledges. So, sexual
intercourse now includes "oral sex," "anal sex" and
"fingering" among many other new trends.

So who is a virgin? The definition of a virgin has
become a matter of individual interpretations to
many, but I will associate virginity with one who is
pure, chaste, undefiled, unpolluted and
unadulterated. You make your deductions.

Many young men want to marry virgins, but cannot
find them. Water everywhere, yet none to drink. Who
are the pollutants? Why are the virgins scarce? We all
know. If married men and women leave bachelors
and spinsters alone and bachelors and spinsters
keep their hands off one another, there will be an
avalanche of virgins. We are knocking our heads over
a situation we contributed in creating?

To young men looking for "virgins" to marry, this is
my take. It is your life and you have a right to live it
the way you like within legal limits, of course, but I
have issues with people who come to equity with
filthy hands. Also, what exactly do you want from
marriage? You must have clarity of purpose, so that
you do not focus on the ephemeral to the detriment
of recurring issues in marriage.

Virginity is a virtue and it is good for spiritual reasons
and the feel-good factor ( na me disvirgin, actually
deflower, my wife), but transgressors should be
forgiven. God's grace, if not, I will not be here
running my mouth, sorry pen.

I belong to groups who encourage young people to
live chaste lives, but we do not condemn others who
have made mistakes, because "there is no
condemnation unto those who are in Christ
Jesus."(Rom: 8:1). "If the son of man sets you free,
you are free indeed."(John 8:36). The simple message
is "go and sin no more."(John 8:11).

Let me conclude with an analogy. Prior apologies for
comparing God's created with manmade objects, but
I see a relationship between virgins/non virgins and
brand new cars/fairly used cars. Everybody loves a
brand new car. We love the freshness, the pride of
being the person who tore off the "rubber," but can
everybody afford a brand new car?

Again if you are offered a brand new Kia Picanto and
a Lexus Jeep that has done only 5000 miles, which
one will you choose? Also, between a brand new
Honda Accord and a Rolls Royce with a 10,000
mileage, which offers superior performance?

Which is better, marrying a virgin you will live
turbulently with for the rest of your life or a spouse
who is a soul mate, although she had a prior
relationship? Virginity is good, godly and holy, but
marriage is much more than virginity. Marriage
already has trailer-loads of issues. Sort out prior
issues during courtship and leave them there; do not
import them into marriage.

AbleMoJah® Nigeria.